Self Letter

Writing to my younger self...

TYPOS AHEAD PROBABLY

PLEASE LIKE AND COMMENT SO I KNOW I’M NOT SCREAMING INTO THE VOID. IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY COMMENT WHAT YOU WOULD SAY TO YOUNG YOU.

Before I get into things today, just a quick reminder, I will be a guest at the Cedar Falls Comic Con this coming weekend. I am a true son of the Cedar Valley so come out and say hi!

After I sent out my newsletter last week, my friend Jim reached out. We chatted, and he shared with me what he had been writing. He had written a letter to his younger self. I enjoyed it a lot and told him his letter is far different from the one I’d write to myself. He said he likes to read it, and I thought, well, maybe eventually it’ll be a good newsletter post.

Then, as the nights went on, I kept thinking about it. It’s a very interesting thing to think about. Even if I laid out the path to my 15-year-old self I doubt he would listen. He thought he was hot shit. He knew he was destined for greatness. He didn’t need advice from me because he knew what to do about everything.

I also started to think about where I am at now vs where I thought I would be. I was off by a lot. When I was young, I believed I would be the biggest deal in comics by the time I was 20. I’d be rich and writing the big events everyone talked about and would have massive arms just from signing autographs. Very delusional stuff I just can’t fathom any of that. I had a good enough voice as a writer back then, but I hadn’t lived much life, so I didn’t have anything worth saying.

I’d say from 16-20, I saw another option appear for me in life besides comic book greatness. Suicide or dead in a gutter. I know that is a horrible thing to say, but it’s true. My mental health was declining, and I didn’t have the skills needed to deal with everything. That age is hard for everyone anyway, without having mental issues on top of it. Everyone around me was doing the best they could, but I wasn’t doing things fully. Therapy works, but not if you think things will blow over. Therapy works, but not if you don’t trust your therapist. Meds can work, but you have to take them consistently. When you're that young, sometimes your feelings can get amplified. Your love for your girlfriend, your hatred of being told what to do, but amplifying my horrible feelings of anxiety and depression… it was rough.

Dear Austin,

This letter comes to you from 16 years in the future. I don’t know what this will do to the timeline. It could alter things horribly. I almost didn’t send this. Then I remember it’ll just make a new timeline. It’ll be your issue, and everything here will stay the same. Good luck, buddy. I hope my letter to you, which you had no choice in getting, is worth it.

What I’m about to say is complicated, so stick with me before you get pissed off, saying it’s unfair or bullshit. I’m going to admit to you right now that it is unfair, but getting upset about it won’t help.

First: things don’t go the way we planned. This is fine. Good things happen in ways we never thought possible. We have just the best support system between family and friends. People will come in and out of our lives, and that’s ok. Just because someone is a bad friend doesn’t mean they are a bad person. You never know what everyone else is up against. Remember that.

Second: This is the one you need to stick with to the end. Things don’t magically get better. The things we are going through now, we will always have to deal with. No, it isn’t fair. Questioning why we have to deal with the things inside our heads, which other people don’t, only makes things worse. It’s not easy, it’s hard. I can’t tell you, hey, someday we get over it, and it was all downhill, but what I will say is if we give up, we will never know if it could be that way.

Keep being honest and open about our struggle. I know how alone you have felt at times. Over the years, since we have been so open about what we have gone through, it has helped people. Others don’t feel alone because they know we understand. Others keep on fighting because they see us keep fighting. People will reach out wanting help, but not knowing where to go. We will be here with our experience to point in the right direction. We took the bad things which happened to us and made some truly great things happen because of it.

Keep being yourself unapologetically. I think it is safe to say we have managed to be one of the most authentic person a lot of people will ever meet. I love you, man. I know what life looks likes like. I know how hard it is. More people care about you than you will ever realize. No rush in growing up, I still haven’t.

Love your future self.

P.S. WE HAVE A LOT OF SEX, AND YES, IT STILL RULES!

I normally don’t post a song, but this one comes to mind. I’m not a big country fan, but I do really love Brad Paisley. Be excellent, everyone.